All I want for Christmas is Sunshine

When I decided to make the move to the Pacific Northwest (PNW), people kept warning me about how cold and rainy and dreary and sad it was there. I brushed it off, because it was April and in my mind that was practically summer. (Read: I only knew Texas "seasons".) So, off I went to Seattle, where I proved everyone wrong with the PNW's driest spring/summer they've had in years. It was beautiful and sunny and hot at times, unlike most years apparently, and I loved it!

Fast forward to September when I continued this stent in the PNW and moved to Portland. Cue more comments about the weather. All the while, I continued to be as naive as ever, thinking it will be just as lovely as the summer was. And at first it was great! The crisp, cool air was a nice change and I was excited to have another real fall! Then the rain started...

And it hasn't stopped.

Just kidding, that's not entirely true; there were four nice days a month ago. Kidding again, kind of.

Anyway, this is not a post about the weather. I haven't become that desperate for blog posts (yet)! But it is about how I'M GOING CRAZY FROM ALL THE RAIN! The lack of vitamin D is killing me. Thank goodness I'm headed back to the amazing south this weekend! By way of California and Arizona I might add- BRING ON THE SUNSHINE! Bonus: maybe I can score a tiny tan while in California? We shall see. No, I won't be getting a white Christmas this year, but let's face it, that's not really what I'm used to in the first place. 

I've been trying to beat the rainy day week month blues the best I can. There is only so much indoor activity a girl can take, but at the same time who wants to play in the rain all day, every day? It's quite the situation I have going on!

As you can see, I have basically been eating a lot lately. Luckily I was able to pawn off most of those Christmas cookies to some friends so I didn't feel obligated to eat them all myself! Then I bought a tent (for $50!) and proceeded to put it up inside to try it out. It's just lovely, but would be much better in it's natural habitat. And don't forget about the Christmas lights- which I've decided should be year round, thankyouverymuch. Surely someone out there is living a more exciting (sunshine filled?) life? Let me live vicariously through you! :)

Solitude

Sometimes I don't know why I hike with my roommates. They seem to run up the mountain, regardless of how strenuous it seems to be. At first, I get annoyed by it. We came to do this hike together, as a group. Then I get annoyed when they stop to wait on me or check on me. It makes me feel inferior, or as if I'm not good enough to handle the hike. Then sometimes, they get so far ahead of me that I can't see them, and there is no one around me, and I'm left to hike on my own.

I've realized I enjoy these particular moments, and even crave them. When I'm alone on the trail with no distractions around, I freely let my mind wander, think, create. Or not think at all, and simply enjoy the beauty around me. No talk of work, or plans, or problems; just me and the trail and the trees and the mountain. The still of the trail is peaceful and healing to my stressed out mind lately.

More and more lately, I feel myself needing these times of solitude. I feel as if I'm coming to a crossroads in my life. I am often more restless, unsettled around the time I have to decide on my next move. Only, this time it feels different. More permanent, in a way. The only difference that I believe is making it seem that way is the potential to move closer to family, and the expectation to do so. I've been craving familiarity and stability as of late. But choosing a place to settle is, well, unsettling to me.

Making decisions has never been my strongest attribute, not big decisions at least. I always worry that it will be the wrong one, that I'll be unhappy. The moments leading up to such things leave me full of restlessness and unease. This time is no different. It only makes matters worse when I've constantly got the buzz of the outside world in my ear. My times alone help me focus on the decision at hand, without the distractions and influence of the others. I know that when it comes down to it, I'll make the best choice for me, and if it turns out to be less than great, then it's not the end of the road and God has other plans for me.